the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
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