"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
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