I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
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