i wish semen tasted like chocolate
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
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