I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
There are leaves in my underwear?
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
