chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
