I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
