if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Randomize
