never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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