Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Randomize
