Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
i love accidental penises.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Randomize
