I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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