Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
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