How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
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