I think scott just propositioned me for sex
He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Randomize
