I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
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