uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
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