You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
Randomize
