saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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