She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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