jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
Randomize
