I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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