My hair reeks of homosexuality.
I am midnight drunk by noon
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
