got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
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