Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
