no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
Randomize
