ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
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