The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
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