Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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