I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
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