All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
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