dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
