i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
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