just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
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