I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Randomize
