theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
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