Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Randomize
