first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Randomize
