One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
