The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
