So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
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