Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Randomize
