I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Randomize
