just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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