So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
Idk if I want to put a bra on
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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