Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
Randomize
