Who wears a wallet chain?!
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Randomize
