"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
