well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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