Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Randomize
