having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
I don't deserve a penis
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize
