is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
Randomize
