I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Randomize
